Ari @ 20 week ultrasound pic
So I had my routine 19th week ultrasound last week for my 2nd child. Because we had a girl the first time, we decided to find out the gender of this baby so that we can get prepared, pick some names etc. First things first, of course the most important thing to us is that our baby is healthy. This is the only thing that matters because gender is an issue, but its nothing major to fret about.
So, the day of the ultrasound, I told the tech that I wanted to know the gender of the baby to which she replied that the manager of the place has placed new rules to not disclose these details and that I would have to wait to see my doctor for the results. I was mortified, I wanted to know then and there because I had been waiting to know for 3 weeks. She wouldn’t budge however, but was helpful in helping me position the baby (emptying my bladder, moving side to side etc.) to see the genitals after their routine check. Finally she was able to see the genitals to which I thought I saw too! There like a stub, It was a penis… oh a boy! I kept my mouth shut, then she wrote on there XY… XY! That’s a boy I thought, ok confirmed. Then I asked the tech again, are you sure you saw it correct, to which she told me, yes. Then she checked once again and I looked wide eyed at the screen, and then she typed XY. I don’t know what XY means but I guess stupid me to assume that XY would mean boy, as I would also think that XX would mean girl. So leaving the office, I was excited to know the gender of my unborn baby. Though I knew that it was not 100%, as I had to get confirmation from the Doctor, I told the family & a few select friends that it was a boy – but did mention it was not 100% confirmed yet.
Everything looked find, the triple screen test turned out to be fine, but they did see some sort of heart signal that appears to be a bit off that they want to see again, but noted there was nothing to worry about cause all my blood tests were perfect. Anyhow, because of this, there was more than one ultrasound tech that had looked at the results of the ultrasound and passed it to my doctor.
At my routine visit today, I got a bit nervous for the first time in a week. What if it’s a girl? There is still a 50% chance of either, but XY would mean a boy right? I mean, I saw the penis dangling there too, Im not a professional, and I know that they might say it’s the umbilical cord but… “You are having a girl!” I felt my heart sink. Why did I feel like that? I love baby girls. Then I started to question myself and immediately called my boyfriend to console me. He was so supportive and had reassured me from the beginning, boy or girl, as long as it was healthy, we will love it the same. Ok… babe, thanks… I know but having your expectations not met always sucks!
I was completely convinced that it was a boy right from the beginning. I craved all sour foods, I was so particular with what I ate, I carried differently than the first time etc. Im only 20 weeks right now, so maybe it’s all inside my head. Plus on top of all of this, everyone thought it was a boy too – and I guess they all wanted a boy. To me personally, I was ok with having 2 girls cause I always did want a sister, but it’s just the other positive factors of having a boy for me included:
1) I wouldn’t have to share the “same love” of my current daughter with the new baby as he would be different.
2) She wouldn’t have to see the new baby wear her old clothes or use her things and the transition of new baby would be easier for her. I know these are personal feelings I need to overcome cause any baby she will have to get use to anyhow, boy or girl.
3) Makes our decision about having more future children a bit easier, because I know I would always wonder what it would be like to have a son.
4) Because I had an c-section the first time I am limited to 3 children (though I don’t know if this is true of not), that what if I tried again, I had another girl, I couldn’t even try anymore.
4) My family all were hoping for a boy to be #2.
I am feeling bad about the results and especially bad with how I am reacting to it. I am really questioning how accurate ultrasounds really are and looking at the internet, you always just end up reading or finding inaccurate information as every viewpoint and bias is out there.
Here are some random statistics that I came across:
- 18-21 weeks is the best time for finding gender (I was 18 weeks/ 6 days)
- At 16 weeks pregnant u/s results are 60% accurate, at 20weeks about 80% accurate.
I know I will be a happy mommy when my new healthy little bundle is in my arms whatever it is. My doctor had advised me because of the heart alert, I need to go back to get another ultrasound in a months time and I can get both my concerns checked again. I know I should be more concerned about the heart issue than the gender issue, but I just feel the baby is perfectly healthy and that it’s just a false alarm. Then again I always feel this way as I don’t trust doctors completely and ALWAYS need a second opinion, especially since having my first child because of a few misdiagnoses.
My family and everyone has been really supportive and I am happy to have such a good team on my side. I guess somewhere along the line, I had already convinced and accepted that I was having a boy, so in a way I feel this huge loss, when in reality I hadn’t lost anything at all. It was all in my head.
I am also not sure if reading about all these ultrasound mistakes and stories on the internet is actually helping me or doing any good. I think it’s best in the end to trust test results (know that they more accurate than assumptions but never definate) and go on with life and feel blessed with what God gives us because in the end, it is what it is. It’s important to be grateful and love what you have, not what you could have.
With that said, Im going to go book a 3d ultrasound for next week, just to give myself a peace of mind and feel confident about baby shopping again.
Some interesting ultrasound stories/feedback I came across online:
“I am 31 weeks, and was told in ultrasounds until week 28, that my baby was a boy. Last week I had a sonogram where they said ‘It’s a girl’. I was a tad devastated, not because of the sex, but because now I am uncertain…”
“I had a sonogram at 14 weeks and was told that it was “very obviously a boy” by my doctor. A second sonogram at 19 weeks, and the sonographer said “100% girl! I don’t know who to believe, I guess we’ll just have to wait and see what pops out when the turkey is done!”
“There are mistakes made in gender prediction after all the technicians are human. It is often times easier to clearly identify a boy rather than a girl because of anatomy, but the prediction of a girl can also be known if the technician can see the appropriate parts. Ask the technician for specific details ask them how can you tell…”
“We were told at 18 weeks that we were having a girl. The tech pointed to a labia and said she was sure. At 38 weeks, we had a BOY!!!!! 
Looking back, the tech had a butt shot and not a legs spread wide shot…it can happen!”
“I’m on baby #3 and every ultrasound has been very accurate. On this last one, it was obvious that he was a little boy at only 14 weeks! Needless to say, my husband was proud. My first, my little girl, they pointed out the area and gave me a little too much confirmation that I didn’t feel comfortable letting my family see the whole ultrasound tape.”
“With my first baby, I was told I was having a girl at my 20 week ultrasound. When I went to the hospital and gave birth I was very surprised to hear “its a boy!” I’m now expecting my second child, I’m 16 weeks and terrified my doctor will make the same mistake!”
“This is true my sister -in -law just gave birth to an adorable girl. The technician told her it was a boy three times, what a big surprise!”
“I am a sonographer, and if you hear stories of the cord being confused with a penis, then those people have obviously had an inexperienced sonographer doing their exam. Experienced techs do not get those two things confused!”
“well i had an ultrasound at 27 weeks and they told me i was having a girl….3 weeks later at 30 weeks they said i was having a boy… i had to have an emergency c section at 33 weeks and guess what it was a boy..so id say to get 2 different doctors opinions cuz the first doc was wrong on mine..”
“With my daughter they couldn’t tell cause she was being shy. With my son however, he was more then willing to show “the goods” and let us see. I think that it not only depends on the tech but the baby has ALOT to do with it as well.”
“When I was pregnant with our son my doc told us that if its a girl they will have signs that look like a hamberger and if its a boy it will look like a turtle.”
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NEWS UPDATE: 1 week later…
So get this… I went to the doctor this week cause they called me back about the heart issue (the bright spot on the heart, or echogenic focus) and because this increased my risk of having a baby with down syndrome to 1 in 750, they wanted to give me the option of Amnio (I’m still undecided about doing Amnio or not). I guess in Canada they offer this to woman who have odds that are greater than 1 in 1000 from my experience. Click here to read more about the Amnio debate: To do Amnio or not do Amnio? .
While I was waiting for the doctor to see me, (they told me there was a 45 minute wait), I decided to go ask the ultrasound place to see what XY meant on the gender images out of curiosity… especially if it didn’t mean boy because as I told you, my doctor said I was going to have a girl. So the receptionist, before looking over my charts, told me that it is rare that a sonographer would write that as they usually just check it off boy or girl, and since last year they no longer give gender results directly to patients it was something out of the ordinary. So upon checking, she got their doctor on staff to look over the charts and told me to get my family doctor to call them for results but did mention something looked odd. Immediately then and there, I knew I was right! I’m having a boy… and yes going to my Doctor, she confirmed it and was actually quite out-raged at the situation.
It turns out that it was not the sonographer seeing this wrong, it was her translating them on the paperwork and noting things wrong! Another place for error and I happen to be one of the lucky ones because I wanted to have a boy and it only took a week for me to find the truth! The other way around, I think I might just be devasted because if I was expecting a girl and it turned out to be a boy because of a mistake like that, the psychological damage and heartbreak is actually very hard – much harder than I actually thought now that I have gone through it. As my doctor said, I think might have to sue if that happened to me.
So moral of the story, trust your instincts and always get a second opinion.
As of right now, I am having a boy! Let’s hope this doesn’t change by next ultrasound but if it does I will let you know. I am thinking of confirming by getting a 3d ultrasound for the fun and experience of it. Now for my more important issue of the heart… to amnio or not?
Update: The accuracy of the ultrasound gender prediction by percentage
The accuracy of the ultrasound can depend on a few different factors. One of those factors is how experienced your ultrasound technician is. For a technician that has been doing pregnancy ultrasounds for many years, it will be a lot easier for them to determine the gender of the baby than if someone who has only been doing ultrasounds for a couple of months or a year. Also, seasoned ultrasound technicians may also know little tricks or techniques to get a better view of the baby’s private parts for ultrasound gender determination.
There are also other factors that come into play in determining accuracy that relate directly to each individual woman’s own case. The position that the baby is lying in plays a great deal of importance in determining gender. If the baby has their legs crossed the whole time, it may be impossible to even try to determine gender. There are certain positions that baby can be in that are more conducive to determining the sex.
Other things that determine the accuracy of the test is how much amniotic fluid is around the baby and the thickness of the abdominal wall. Basically, an ultrasound technician needs to be able to see as clearly as possible to have certainty on what the sex of the baby is.
If you happen to have an experienced technician, your baby with the legs wide open, plenty of amniotic fluid, and a think abdominal wall, then your ultrasound accuracy could be 99.9%. On the other hand, if you have a baby that will not cooperate, a beginner technician, low amniotic fluid, and a thick abdominal wall, you could have an accuracy of 0%. The normal ultrasound appointment that goes according to plan, usually has an accuracy of anywhere from 85%-95%. For some people those may be good odds, and for others it may not be.
There are certain things that an ultrasound technician looks for to determine gender. With females, they just don’t look for the absence of male parts, but look for three lines that come up for the genitalia. Most technicians will take several different looks at the baby’s genitalia before telling you the sex.
Although ultrasound gender determination can be wrong, more than ¾ of the time, the determination is correct. Be sure that when you ago for your pregnancy ultrasound that you ask your technician about the factors that can influence the determination to make sure if you should really go out and buy that pink crib set.
Source: Fortunebaby.com
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